I accidentally slept with my brother-in-law…

Q: I have been suffering immeasurably since I accidentally slept with my brother-in-law. He threatens to tell my husband (his brother).It has become a weapon with which he extorts money from me anytime he’s broke. I am really scared of my husband’s reaction if he finds out. What do I do? [First published on 19 April 2009]

A: What a pity that you had to go through such an experience. There are times in life we would like to turn back the clock and wish some things never happened. Unfortunately, that is not possible. Marriage is a relationship of continual giving and receiving of forgiveness.

Two emotions are at work here, namely, fear and guilt. Of the many possible ways of dealing with guilt, the most effective is to confess it. Confession fends off failure and attracts mercy. (See Proverbs 28:13) The Bible declares “But if we confess our sins to God, he can always be trusted to forgive us and take our sins away” (1John 1:9 CEV). You should want to confess it to the LORD and ask for His forgiveness and cleansing. Once you’ve received God’s forgiveness, you would want to prayerfully consider how best to confess to your husband. We have a responsibility to confess wrongdoing to the people we offend where possible. This will break the bondage of fear (which your brother-in-law has so far used effectively against you) and at the same time bring deliverance from the torment you have suffered immeasurably since the accident.

How will your husband react? I really don’t know. It depends on the kind of person he is and the strength, depth and width of the relationship between the two of you. You might want to seek advice on how best to approach this. May the God of comfort and good hope grant you the strength to experience the journey from guilt to grace.